16
Oct
09

The Best of Barney Stinson, Season 3



SEASON 3 (strictly for Barney fans)
continuation from season 2 ………
  • -dary.Dudeeee, i am so exited, we are single again.we are going to conquer New York city.i already have a girl for you .right boob bigger than the left boob which some to choose to look at the bra, half empty ,i choose to look at the bra,half full.
  • you cannot have sex on a wind surfing boat.”how do you know”.glad you asked Lily.i have crafted a list of every vehichle,land based,aquatic and air bourne in which slash on which it is possible to have sex.And out of those 33 vehicles,i have had sex in slash on 31.wind surfing boat,not on the list.not possible. Oh,here you wanna hear what is 33. Apollo 11 space capsule.
  • This conversation never happened……..
  • Ted,tonight we are going to get someone way hotter than Robin.OOOK, Robin is a 10.fine,we will get you a 12 or you know, two 6’s. failing that four 3’s and freak last case emergency we are gonna get 12 1’s.
  • Ted, my boy i am gonna re teach you how to live.
  • Now if you excuse me,random chic from earlier tonight,shall hence forth be known, Ted and I have a schedule to keep.
  • All this time, i thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you got your own wings now.Sice you and Robin split you are just growing in your cocoon and last night you burst out of that cocoon like a like a majestic….aaaah……gauche….what is it that comes out of the cocoon.i was always bad at science.”a butterfly??”. Hahahahaha….
  • Ohhh, please, vacation romances have an expiration date.Gayle has got a best if, banged by sticker on him. once your romance start to stink, you will dump his ass down the drain like a savour milk and get back being uneveloved Robin,the one we actually like.Back me up here, Ted. “I am just happy,Robin is happy”.I am telling you,within 3 days ( “ok here comes the big words”) with in a triad of solar periods, you will recognize your dire of compatabilty with your paramour and conclude your association.”My journey was transformative. and i reassert my commitment to both the after mentioned paramour and the philosophies he supposes.”
  • Ted Ted Ted…… “dude, i am looking at you….. what ???” Right…..Stay with me……we are on the cusp of moving from out of towners to in their pansers.
  • i never kid…….:P
  • ok,alright Ted, if you wanna go for the belt,then by law i need to ask you the following questions. 1) is the aggregate age of all participants under 83.”yes”. 2) Is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds.”yes”.3)Theodre Mosby,are you paying these women.”What,No”.Teeeeeed…..
  • Beacause the belt is my birth right.You can’t claim it before i do.That would be like Jimmy Oldson capturing Lex luger, when superman watches invitbly from the bedroom.
  • “Ted you are ruining this for everyone”.Leave him alone.Sometimes even the greatest warriors shoot themselves in their foot.
  • “Why would you do that to yourself???”.Because it is getting up in your head man(The Belt).I start thinking i can’t do this.It’s 2 women.thats 2 of everything.4 of somethings.The logistics alone are enough to cripple a pro like me….
  • “What chance do i have….:(“.The best chance in the world.Fear took the belt from me.Fear rode the tricycle that night my friends.But,fear will not get a second turn.”it wont??”.Nooooo.Because, i now realize it is not my destiny to win the belt,it is my destiny to help my friend win it.Ted is fated to go there first.He is our Neil Armstrong.Ha ha ha,space suit up Ted, because you are going to the moon.Step 1)”Ladies,Couldn’t find you coats,but i did find some bear.Wait wait wait,a remote controlled fire place ??we don’t have a remote control fire place.”Right,thats my apartment,dressing comes mine too..Dammmmn,this should me.anyway continuing Step 2)” ‘i am so exhausted’.wait, why would i want to tire them up???”.thats your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one.”‘oh this is the most amazing foot massage.’ because i used to practise all the time on my grandmother,Why did i say that ???”.Its a endearing.Never give the family values out of the equation. Step 3) ” ‘ Ted,whats wrong.’ Aaaaheye… I was just thinking of the documentary i saw once,it was something called a super Volcano.(to barney)OK what the hell.” Wait for it. ” it can happen any time and obilerate all the life on the earth.Thats why i just live by 3 simple words. “Dont postpone your way.”‘Oh my god its so true..’ ” .”Mortality angle.Its actually pretty good.”
  • So what happened next ?? Did you do it ? “Lets not talk about it.” Whaaat, Noooo.Tell me. you ya ya dont tell me because you dont have to.you din’t do it.you din’t do it.you din’t. you din’t.didn,t you ? did youuuu???.you din’t do it. Yes you did it. you did it.No,no…ja ja juuuuust tell meeeee.”Some stories you tell,some you don’t”.Because he din’t do it.he din’t do it. you did it.you did it.Tell me. did you ???Ted belt… did you or didn’t you…Ted tell me please.You know whether he did it or not ???
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